Collective Joy vs. Collective Pain: Where's the Light?

I can’t describe the feeling of pure joy, the moment where it feels like I could be floating over my life and can’t come down from the high. But, the same thing can be said about pain, even though they are two completely different feelings and emotions. For my “Callings” class, I read a book titled, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brené Brown. In this book, she talks about the concepts of collective joy and collective pain. I hadn’t learned about these two ideas before, so it was interesting and thought-provoking to read about them from one of the most honest and real researchers. Brené Brown has spent over two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. Coming from someone who has experienced plenty of lows in her life, I appreciated everything she wrote about in this book, especially when it came to pleasing and pretending. Brown talks about how the concepts of collective joy and collective pain dominate our lives in multiple ways. For me, I see collective pain as a little bit more powerful because it takes true strength and courage to dig out of the hole called suffering. My collective pain came from a time where I felt unworthy, a time when I let obsessions dominate my perception of myself. I knew my situation was affecting my family and friends, but I couldn’t get myself to see the truth, pushing myself and those closest to me further into the darkness. But, there’s something to be said about finding the light in tough times. I physically screamed when I came across the section titled “Wands Up” in Brown’s book. This section touched upon the scene in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince where Dumbledore is killed by Draco Malfoy, a character who has strong ties to Lord Voldemort, the main villain throughout the series. Right when Brown starting talking about how Professor McGonagall and the rest of the students and professors raised their wands to overcome the Dark Mark, I got chills. It’s exactly as Brown said, “…We believe in the light. Yes, we know that Harry Potter is not real, but we know that collective light is real. And powerful….we were so much stronger together” (125). I think for me, it’s easier to believe that I can tackle any situation on my own—but when it comes down to it, we all need support and strength from others in order to get through some of the hardest times, especially during those moments of pure, collective pain. Even though Professor McGonagall started to break away at Lord Voldemort’s Dark Mark, it took a village of professors and students to fully make that mark vanish from the sky. We’re not alone in the fight against our demons, but we have to realize that we also need to tackle part of the struggle by ourselves. It's a two-way street between ourselves and the support from others. Brown also states in this book that “Our work is to get to the place where we like ourselves and are concerned when we judge ourselves too harshly or allow others to silence us. The wilderness demands this level of self-love and self-respect” (150). For me especially, it’s hard to not judge myself too harshly or not take things personally. Cultivating an image of self-love and self-worth has always been a challenge for me, especially because I’ve been swayed by what people expect of me. I let it get to a point where I took physical action to try to change myself. But if I keep letting these things get to me, then how does that affect my development? Well, it certainly makes it harder to positively grow. I keep asking myself why I let others get to me. In order for me to develop my strong back, I have to realize that standing up for myself isn’t a weakness, it’s what makes me strong and independent. As with anything, it’s going to be a process of developing a more confident and strong self. It’s true: I am the wilderness, and I am the only thing standing in my way.